Friday, January 28, 2011

you're in a cave - pt 2

The second part of an ancient RP, cataloguing my alarmingly rapid descent into madness.

(Edited for content.)


[@10:16:36 PM] Superfly: You stand, naked, before a figure.
[@10:16:49 PM] Superfly: You already know that it's God.
[@10:17:00 PM] Superfly: You also already know that it's the exact opposite of God.
[@10:17:13 PM] Superfly: You're both confused, and perfectly clear.
[@10:17:35 PM] Superfly: This is just some dumbass entity with a shitload of power.

[@10:17:41 PM] Superfly: Specifically, over your life.
[@10:17:48 PM] QT: Oh, well that's never good.
[@10:18:03 PM] QT: So what does it want from me?
[@10:18:04 PM] QT: And why scorpions?
[@10:18:09 PM] Superfly: The figure begins to speak, directly into your head.
[@10:18:18 PM] Superfly: "Yo, wazzah." It says.
[@10:18:27 PM] QT: Oh fuck.
[@10:18:32 PM] Superfly: (It's obviously trying to communicate at your level.
[@10:19:16 PM] Superfly: "Mmmkay, Imma send you back to Earth."
[@10:19:21 PM] Superfly: "And you do as I command. Got me? Good."
[@10:19:25 PM] QT: Uh... okay then?
[@10:19:43 PM] QT: What if I don't?
[@10:19:45 PM] Superfly: You don't get a chance to respond.
[@10:19:51 PM] Superfly: You awake in an alley.
[@10:19:58 PM] Superfly: You're naked, still, but covered in trash.
[@10:20:16 PM] QT: Oh awesome.
[@10:20:21 PM] QT: This is turning out to be a great day.
[@10:20:23 PM] Superfly: It's loud, and bustling, as if it's a work day morning.
[@10:20:39 PM] Superfly: You feel like you've had a very bad hangover.
[@10:20:45 PM] Superfly: And it will likely get worse.
[@10:20:49 PM] QT: Use trash bags to improvise a HOBO CLOAK.
[@10:21:04 PM] Superfly: Done.
[@10:21:09 PM] QT: Wear it.
[@10:21:14 PM] QT: To conceal my nakedness.
[@10:21:17 PM] Superfly: The nearby hobo is greatly entertained by this feat.
[@10:21:24 PM] QT: Good for him.
[@10:21:29 PM] QT: Wait, does he have any clothes?
[@10:21:33 PM] Superfly: He's wearing clothes.

[@10:21:39 PM] Superfly: They look like they were rejected from Goodwill.
[@10:21:46 PM] Superfly: He asks you, "Hey, buddy, got a dollar?"
[@10:21:54 PM] QT: Slay him and take them.
[@10:22:02 PM] Superfly: How do you "slay" him?
[@10:22:15 PM] QT: Wait, let's check the tactical situation first.
[@10:22:25 PM] QT: How fit does this hobo appear to be?
[@10:22:33 PM] QT: And how fit do I appear to be.
[@10:22:51 PM] Superfly: He appears to have all his limbs.
[@10:23:05 PM] Superfly: You estimate his age to be about 60. 
[@10:23:10 PM] Superfly: He could look older than he is, though.
[@10:23:13 PM] Superfly: You are you.
[@10:23:16 PM] Superfly: However fit you are.
[@10:23:25 PM] QT: Hm...
[@10:23:39 PM] QT: Does he appear to be armed?
[@10:23:50 PM] Superfly: Yes, he still has arms.
[@10:23:56 PM] Superfly: Other than that, no weapons.
[@10:24:29 PM] QT: Check the alley for tools.
[@10:24:40 PM] QT: Or heavy objects.
[@10:24:47 PM] Superfly: You discover one tool, but then realize it's you.
[@10:24:52 PM] QT: Ha.
[@10:25:09 PM] Superfly: There is an overflowing dumpster, some bricks, a hobo.
[@10:25:23 PM] QT: Use garbage bags to make a length of rope.
[@10:25:28 PM] QT: By twisting them together.
[@10:25:36 PM] Superfly: Uhm. Okay.
[@10:25:44 PM] QT: Tie this improvised rope around and through a brick.
[@10:25:52 PM] QT: BRICK FLAIL ACQUIRED.
[@10:26:02 PM] Superfly: God is laughing.
[@10:26:06 PM] Superfly: But okay.
[@10:26:12 PM] Superfly: You're naked again.
[@10:26:19 PM] QT: Use BRICK FLAIL on HOBO.
[@10:26:26 PM] Superfly: You miss.
[@10:26:32 PM] QT: How?
[@10:26:36 PM] QT: He's just sitting there.
[@10:26:43 PM] Superfly: Yes, but you're an idiot.
[@10:26:51 PM] Superfly: With a hangover, and a brick attached to garbage bags.
[@10:26:54 PM] QT: Then why am I the chosen avatar of a deity?
[@10:27:02 PM] Superfly: You can't expect to hit him on the first try.
[@10:27:18 PM] Superfly: Your brick hits the wall near the hobo's head.
[@10:27:26 PM] Superfly: He flinches. About twelve seconds after it hits.
[@10:27:51 PM] QT: Why am I waiting twelve seconds in between swings?
[@10:27:53 PM] QT: SWING AGAIN
[@10:27:56 PM] Superfly: Okay, you finally hit him in the head.
[@10:28:03 PM] QT: And?
[@10:28:30 PM] Superfly: The hobo is unconscious.
[@10:28:35 PM] QT: Hit him again.
[@10:28:42 PM] Superfly: He's more unconscious.
[@10:29:01 PM] Superfly: People are noticeably ignoring you now.
[@10:29:11 PM] QT: Hit him until teeth pop out. Like a grim pinata.
[@10:29:16 PM] Superfly: Done.
[@10:29:20 PM] Superfly: He had two teeth.
[@10:29:27 PM] Superfly: He now has zero.
[@10:29:43 PM] Superfly: He's grim.
[@10:29:52 PM] QT: And dead, I hope.
[@10:30:28 PM] Superfly: He's quite bloody.
[@10:30:36 PM] Superfly: You hear him groaning, and blood bubbles from his mouth.
[@10:30:44 PM] QT: Drag him further into the shadows of the alley.
[@10:30:49 PM] QT: And smother him with a garbage bag.
[@10:31:04 PM] Superfly: You do so.
[@10:31:15 PM] QT: Hold it there for a couple of minutes, at least.
[@10:31:28 PM] Superfly: The moaning and bubbling stops.
[@10:32:11 PM] QT: Now remove his clothes and search them for valuables.
[@10:32:20 PM] QT: Or, you know, hobo trinkets.
[@10:32:24 PM] Superfly: His shirt and jacket are bloody.
[@10:32:34 PM] Superfly: He has a paper clip in his pants.
[@10:32:45 PM] Superfly: Also a dime, lodged in the corner of his pocket.
[@10:32:48 PM] QT: Wear HOBO GARB.
[@10:32:57 PM] Superfly: You don the hobo garb.
[@10:33:02 PM] QT: Bury the corpse under the garbage.
[@10:33:08 PM] Superfly: You are now indistinguishable from a hobo.
[@10:33:10 PM] Superfly: Just like before.

2 comments:

  1. I see you AGAIN EDITED out the parts I had a HAND IN.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Because you're a horrible person.

    Also, there's no way the dildo conversation is going to be reproduced anywhere.

    ReplyDelete